Group helps men fight porn addiction

Standard-Examiner, Utah/February 3, 2009

Maurice Harker wants to prevent young men from "flushing their dreams down the toilet."

Harker is the director of a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints program called Sons of Helaman, a name that refers to warriors pledging an oath in the Book of Mormon.

The program aims to help young men overcome what Harker calls an addiction to pornography and masturbation.

Eighty-five people are enrolled in the program, created more than three years ago.

The program has graduation 105 men who have abstained from pornography or masturbation for 12 consecutive weeks, said Jonathan Taylor, outreach director.

He said the program is unique because graduation is based on results, rather than time.

Young men spend an average of 24 weeks in Sons of Helaman, but Taylor said some go through much faster, while others may need more help and support.

Harker said he saw a need for something like Sons of Helaman when he worked as a premissionary screening processor for LDS Family Services in Davis County.

"I kept coming across young men with these types of problems, and I wanted a more powerful, less expensive and more enjoyable way to combat these addictions," he said.

The program is primarily based on LDS principles because there is motivation for young men to go on missions or get married in the temple.

Taylor said those outside the religion may not see anything wrong with pornography or masturbation.

Creating group therapy sessions helps eliminate the idea that only one boy may have a problem, Harker said, and it also allows the young men to discuss in confidence their problems and triumphs.

Watching the boys in therapy go from depressed and hopeless to confident is Harker's favorite part about working with Sons of Helaman.

Greg, a 17-year-old graduate of the program, said he struggles with chronic depression, and "I was humbled to the point where I decided that I would never be able to get rid of my addiction."

"I tried this one last thing, and if that didn't work, I would just end my life."

He said he enjoys the brotherhood among the young men who attend and likes that Sons of Helaman gives him concrete strategies and goals to fight his addiction.

While the weekly two-hour sessions cost $40, graduates are able to attend for free. Greg said he likes being able to attend if he feels like he needs help or wants to help others.

However, not everyone's situation is the same, said Mark Malan, a sex and relationship therapist in Ogden and associate professor of sexology at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

Malan asked not to be quoted directly, but cited a paper -- "Sexual Behavior-Modification Groups and the Need for Comprehensive Care for Compulsive Sexual Behavior" -- he presented at The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Basic Lecture Series in San Francisco.

In the paper, Malan wrote that compulsive sexual behavior, the term preferred by clinical sexologists, is a complex issue with many possible causes.

Although an addiction approach that treats the situation through behavior modification might be good for treating people whose problems are mostly psychological, that approach can be damaging for others, Malan wrote.

For example, people with high hormone levels may find simple abstinence through willpower or therapy alone difficult and some may "become deeply depressed, develop internalized shame, lose healthy sexual functioning, and even become suicidal when only abstinence training is attempted to deal with their condition," he wrote.

Malan wrote that regulating compulsive sexual behavior is highly individual and using one approach for all causes could be psychologically damaging and require corrective treatment later.

Some people believe they have a sex addiction when they may have a values conflict, Malan said, and people should get a diagnosis from a professional certified in human sexuality health care.

In Sons of Helaman, Greg said the boys are taught techniques called "Border Patrol," which creates a routine to follow, such as exercise in the morning, scripture study and texts of support to others in the group.

Matt, a 19-year-old in his 14th week in the group, joined because he is trying to go on a church mission.

He likes the group therapy approach because he can call or text other boys for help, and because everyone is struggling with masturbation or pornography, they aren't judgmental of others in the group.

Matt said the topic of sexual addiction is one that nobody talks about, but he thinks it should be addressed more often.

Sons of Helaman also offers a mother's group, which is aimed at helping parents understand how to help their children, Taylor said.

He said the program, which now has 10 groups from Logan to West Jordan, may expand.

"Our theory is, there's at least one boy in every ward and several in every community that have this problem and are reluctant to receive help," Taylor said.

"Either they don't know where to go or they're too embarrassed to seek help."

Harker wants to expand the program across Utah by the end of this year and across the U.S. in the next 10 years.

He said there are no plans to start a group for women, but hopes that someone who better understands female sexuality will start one.

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